


new groupchat: enter name

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: AU, Aged Up, Camping, Clyde is a baby, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gay, Kenny has Anger Issues, Light Smut, M/M, Multi, NSFW, Ouija Board, Polyamory, Roadtrip, Sexual Tension, Slash, Slurs, Smut, Threesome, Tweek is confused, Wendy is best girl, groupchat, idk - Freeform, idk what im doing, lots of Bunny, pip is a ghost, pip is in hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:13:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 6,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21981025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Hey, did you just get added into Cartman's groupchat?" Stan elbowed Kyle, before wrapping his arm around the red haired boy."Yep.." Kyle sighed, leaning into Stan, "Unfortunately.."-collection of groupchat drabble and short stories
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Kenny McCormick/Leopold "Butters" Stotch, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger, Phillip "Pip" Pirrip/Damien Thorn, Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger, Token Black/Clyde Donovan
Comments: 5
Kudos: 148





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is my second fic on AO3, I really hope you guys enjoy it!! I'm thinking about 10 or 11 chapters for this one also.

**best added jew, NOTgay, and Princess**

**jew has come online**  
**NOTgay has come online**  
**Princess has come online**

best: THE FUCK IS UP 

jew: oh god not again

NOTgay: uuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Princess: this is so 2017 wtf

jew: why did you make this?

**best added BUTTERCUP, beta, and DIABETESTIME ******

******beta has come online**  
**BUTTERCUP has come online** ** **

jew: oh jfc 

BUTTERCUP: uwu 

beta: Cartman, seriously? I have to study for my chem test 

best: hi wendy 

beta: hi eric 

best: wanna FUCK 

******beta has gone offline**  
**beta has left the chat** ** **

NOTgay: why did you talk to my girlfriend like that?! wtf dude 

jew: shes so not ur girlfriend dude,, remember last night? 

BUTTERCUP: get a room please,, fellas,, thats kind of,, gay 

Princess: butters you're kinda gay, just knowing from personal experience 

BUTTERCUP: only for you 

best: why did i add all the fags 

******DIABETESTIME has come online** ** **

DIABETESTIME: i'm not a fag!! 

best: finally, someone straight 

NOTgay: cartman, you're as straight as kyles ass 

jew: DUDE!!!!!! 

Princess: AHAHSDaguijfg 

DIABETESTIME: i- 

best: kyle is pretty THICC 

jew: oh my god!! 

NOTgay: ;) 

Princess: change your fucking name stan 

******Princess has changed NOTgay to PRETTYgay** ** **

PRETTYgay: wendyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy COME BACK 

******PRETTYgay added beta**  
**beta has come online** ** **

beta: Stan, can you like... not? 

****

PRETTYgay: not what? 

****

Princess: not make kyle ur little cumslut 

****

DIABETESTIME: nope 

****

beta: oh god, really Stan? 

****

******DIABETESTIME has gone offline**  
**DIABETESTIME has left the chat** ** **

****

jew: KENNY!! 

****

Princess: just telling the truth 

****

PRETTYgay: wends, thats totally not true 

****

beta: love u too stan... 

****

jew: LOVE YOU MORE 

****

beta: fine 

****

******beta has gone offline** ** **

****

best: this is the best 

****

******Princess has gone offline**  
**BUTTERCUP has gone offline** ** **

****

best: they're totally fucking 

****

******BUTTERCUP has come online** ** **

****

BUTTERCUP: uuuh,, no.. 

****

******BUTTERCUP has gone offline**  
**Princess has come online** ** **

****

Princess: _myhotbitch.png_

****

jew: EW DUDE!! GROSS 

****

Princess: you're just mad my boyfriend is hotter 

****

best: I TOLD YOU WHAT THEY WERE DOING 

****

******jew has gone offline** ** **

****

PRETTYgay: you scarred him for life, dude 

****

Princess: its just butters half naked????????? 

****

best: yeah, its just butters HALF NAKED 

****

Princess: oh fuck off, i've got something to do 

****

best: more like someone 

****

Princess: fuck you guys 

****

******Princess has gone offline** ** **

****

PRETTYgay: uuuuuuuuuh 

****

******PRETTYgay has gone offline**  
**best has gone offline** ** **

****


	2. Chapter 2

**beta has come online**   
**beta added TOP and BOTTOM**

**TOP has come online**

TOP: what the fuck is this?

**best has come online**

best: ITS THE FAG CLUB

beta: oh shut the fuck up 

TOP: alright then...

**BOTTOM has come online**

BOTTOM: OH JESUS IS THIS THE CIA?

TOP: no tweek this is a groupchat

BOTTOM: FROM THE FBI???? AM I BEING ARRESTED?

TOP: jesus tweek

beta: hi tweek

BOTTOM: OH GOD THEY KNOW MY NAME AHSFBGIUOAWSDFUAHSUDCuysg

best: dude, ur boyfriend must be on his period

TOP: shut the fuck up

BOTTOM: GUYS CAN GET PERIODS??? OH GOD!!!!!!

beta: no they can't tweek, its alright

best: tweek wishes so he could have craig's little ass babies

**BOTTOM has gone offline**

TOP: he is currently screaming at 4 am, thanks dude

best: only want the best for my favorite fags

**PRETTYgay has come online**

PRETTYgay: is someone getting fucked?

TOP: no that's just tweek screaming

PRETTYgay: i'm trying to sleep

TOP: sorry. not really though

**PRETTYgay has gone offline**   
**TOP has gone offline**

beta: this isn't funny, eric

best: stfu dumb whore

beta: uh huh, let's not forget you asked to fuck me

best: you're still a whore

beta: ha ha

**beta has gone offline**   
**best has gone offline**


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope to be able to publish chapters every day, or at least every few days! If not, I’m really sorry!  
> Please comment and leave kudos, it really makes my day!

**Princess has come online**  
**jew has come online**  
**PRETTYgay has come online**  
**beta has come online**

beta: did anyone finish their psychics homework?

jew: Stan is over helping me on it

PRETTYgay: we are?

jew: YES we are working on homework

Princess: alright, gay boy

beta: stanley, really?

PRETTYgay: We just got carried away and UUuUH

Princess: yeah, and SOMEHOW Kyle’s mouth ended up on your dick

beta: sigh

**BUTTERCUP has come online**

BUTTERCUP: I’m grounded

Princess: what?!

jew: oh god, what did you do this time?

beta: I’m sorry butters

BUTTERCUP: they said it smelled like sex

Princess: Oh fuck yeah

beta: He got grounded because of you, Ken. 

jew: How is that a good thing?

BUTTERCUP: they’re thinking about putting bars on my window 

Princess: are you serious

PRETTYgay: good job 

Princess: I didn’t think he screamed that loud...

BUTTERCUP: ...I don’t

Princess: sure you don’t, cupcake

jew: oh god how I have the image of Kenny dicking Butters down in my head

Princess: is it hot?

jew: no

beta: maybe you should apologize to his parents, kenny 

BUTTERCUP: oh hamburgers,,

Princess: nah, they hate me too much 

Princess: _imcoming.png_

BUTTERCUP: is that my window?

beta: don’t do anything stupid, please

**PRETTYgay has gone offline**  
**beta has gone offline**

jew: where are you guys going? Jesus dude

**beta has come online**

beta: Stan is taking me out for Chinese <3

jew: it’s my turn to go out with him!!

beta: you two had sex LAST NIGHT!!

jew: whatever 

**jew has gone offline**

Princess: good going Wendy, he’s probably crying now

beta: Stan and I aren’t even dating anymore, we’re literally just friends.. 

Princess: oh?

beta: I broke up with him after I found a used condom.. we hadn’t even had sex yet

Princess: LMAOOOOO

BUTTERCUP: that’s nasty, ewwie 

beta: it’s alright, I figured it would happen eventually 

**beta has gone offline**  
**TOP has come online**

TOP: I see we’re speaking about condoms

**BOTTOM has come online**

BOTTOM: oh god?! Does someone have an std?!!!

TOP: no tweek it’s fine

BOTTOM: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!

Princess: you’re quite the couple

BUTTERCUP: ^^

BOTTOM: KENNY DO YOU HAVE AN STD?!!

BUTTERCUP: oh jeez, I hope not

Princess: NO

TOP: tweek, honey, no one has an std

Princess: cartman probably does 

**BOTTOM has gone offline**  
**TOP has gone offline**  
**best has come online**

best: I DO NOT HAVE AN STD KEEENY

BUTTERCUP: Kenny is always right<3

Princess: butters doesn’t lie <3

best: oh goddamn it

**best has gone offline**  
**BUTTERCUP has gone offline**  
**Princess has gone offline**


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus ok I needed to sin; but I’m not man enough to write actual smut  
> So uh mild lewd content I guess

**beta has come online**   
**jew has come online**

jew: ok guess what

beta: what

jew: we should totally have a sleep over 

beta: with who?

jew: you, me, and stan

beta: why not everyone else?

jew: that’s weird, we’re the closest anyways

beta: ok bet

**beta has gone offline**

-

Stan knocked on the wooden door, clutching Wendy’s pale palm.

Kyle opened the door while a smile, and ushered them inside.  
“Can I get you two anything?” Kyle asked, holding up a notepad jokingly.

“Beer,” Stan mumbled.

“Stanley!” Kyle and Wendy shouted unanimously. Wendy slapped Stan’s hand, and whispered a small ‘no’.

Stan winced, his smile weakening, “Fine.”

“How about I show you our finest room?” Kyle stifled a laugh, and showed them upstairs.  
He opened his door, “Welcome.”

“Wow,” Stan replied dryly, “Not like I haven’t fucked in here before.”

“Stan!” Kyle choked out, blushing red.

Wendy turned to Stan, and let go of his sweaty palm, “That’s inappropriate.”

“Why am I here anyways? I thought we were going to have a threesome,” Stan sat on Kyle’s bed, picking at his cracked lips.

Wendy blushed, and pulled her beret over her face.

Kyle coughed, face beet red, “Um,, I actually just wanted to make things clear with Wendy about our relationship... Stan.”

“By fucking,” Stan smirked.

“No-“

“Yes-“

“NO.”

“Okay, fine,” Wendy huffed. She slowly began unbuttoning her jacket. Next went her shirt, and then her skirt. Everything else went too.  
All was left was Wendy. 

Kyle leaned over to cover Stan’s blushing face.  
Stan slowly pulled Kyle’s hand down, “Holy shit, dude.”

“I know,” Mouthed Kyle, he began to undress Stan, making time to outline Stan’s muscles and curves with his fingers.

“Oh fuck,” Wendy whispered, glowing with arousal, “This is so gay.”

Kyle turned around, “Way to ruin the moment, Wends.” He finished tearing off Stan’s clothes and now it was his turn.

Wendy took the opportunity to take off Kyle’s lime hat, and combed her fingers through his hair. Stan slowly removed Kyle’s top, and pinched one of Kyle’s nipples.

“Jesus, dude!” Kyle shouted.

“Shut the fuck up,” Wendy barked.

Soon they were all unclothed.

“So um...” Kyle wheezed, “What do we do now?”

“Kiss me,” Stan pleaded, “No.. kiss Wends first..” He twirled his fingers through Wendy’s long, dark hair.   
Wendy gulped, breathing heavily. She had never had sex before with anyone. Except Bebe, but that was a girls thing... right?

Kyle cupped Wendy’s face, and began French kissing her. He lapped her tongue with his, making sloppy noises as they kissed. He ran his fingers down her back, sending shivers down Wendy’s spine.

The door creaked.  
“Oh hey fellas, I heard you were having a sleep-“ Butters yelped, noticing the array of nude bodies.   
Wendy screamed, covering her boobs with her beret.

“Oh hey...Butters,” Kyle greeted the blonde meekly, hands still all over Wendy’s body. 

“It’s not what it looks like!!” Stan put his hands between his legs, covering his masculinity. 

“It looks like an orgy,” Kenny smirked, entering the room alongside Butters.

“What the FUCK is he doing here?!” Wendy shouted, digging her nails into Kyle’s freckled back. He groaned.

“I was just curious,” Kenny shrugged, clasping Butter’s smaller hand.

“Get out!!” Wendy stood up, a wild expression on her face, “You better NOT tell the student council about this!” She shoved Kenny back with her finger.

Kenny shrugged, and left with Butters trailing behind.

“Oh my god,” Kyle rubbed his temple, “Oh my god..”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s UNO time everybody

**BUTTERCUP has come online**   
**best has come online**   
**BOTTOM has come online**

BUTTERCUP: did you guys know what happened at kyles sleepover?

BOTTOM: OH GOD SOMEONE DIED?!!?!!11!1!!

best: tweek.. how do I say this

best: shut the fuck up before I sew your pussy lips shut

BOTTOM: OH JESUS!!!!! 

**beta has come online**

beta: NOTHING happened

**BOTTOM has gone offline**   
**jew has come online**

jew: wends is right, nothing happened 

best: kahl is only saying that because she sucked his dick

**PRETTYgay has come online**

PRETTYgay: actually you’re incorrect!

PRETTYgay: I SUCKED HIS DICK!

beta: oh my fucking god Stanley

jew: butters stop lurking 

BUTTERCUP: well,, I did hear some things on my way out

jew: like what?

BUTTERCUP: oh... gee.. well stuff like.. um

BUTTERCUP: ‘oh stan I’m so close’ and etc

jew: HDJDIDHCJJSJSJFUCKJDHDJ

beta: butters, do you know what that means?

BUTTERCUP: they must’ve have been playing hide and seek

PRETTYgay: okay, whew 

jew: yeah we were playing hide and seek...

beta: yeah, I won

jew: no I did

PRETTYgay: ladies, ladies, you’re both pretty

jew: I’m PRETTIER than Wendy

beta: it’s not always about you, Kyle 

BUTTERCUP: oh.. golly, don’t fight 

-

“Craig!!” Tweek stifled a sob, “My c-cupcakes are, ack, bu-burning!!”  
Tweek screamed as he quickly pulled the cupcake tray from the oven.

“I thought you were watching them,” Craig muttered, placing down a blue 4.

“Uno,” Clyde said, sliding a wild card onto the stack.

“You’re f-fucking playing,, agh,,, UNO?!!” Tweek pulled at his hair, the smell of burnt cake lingering throughout the kitchen.

“Yeah,” Craig continued playing in his monotone voice, “Token, trade decks with me. Okay, skip Clyde.”

“Fuck!” Clyde yelled, throwing his cards at Token.

“Hey, it’s alright Clyde, it’s just a game,” Token patted his back, as Clyde began to sob.

“F-fucking.. cr-crybabies!!” Tweek stormed out of the kitchen.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY 2020!!!!

**best has come online**

best: hey guys, do you wanna play with a luigi board

**jew has come online**  
**BUTTERCUP has come online**

BUTTERCUP: what’s a luigi board?

jew: he means ouija board. it’s a thing to summon demons with or something 

**beta has come online**

beta: NO FUCKING WAY WE’RE PLAYING THAT

best: wendy wanted to play candy land cause she’s a pussy 

beta: fuck you

best: I’ll fuck you first

jew: okay, what time do you want to play?

best: bring all the guys and come over at 12 midnight 

BUTTERCUP: I’m not sure I can do that, fellas 

beta: it’s okay butters, it’s a little scary anyways 

BUTTERCUP: oh alrighty..

beta: :)

-

“Who bought this?” Stan examined the board, while Kenny looked through the planchette.

“My mom,” Cartman snorted, “She’s dumb as fuck.” 

“Are you sure we should even be up here?” Kyle spoke from the attic ladder, bringing up some candles.

Kenny grabbed the candles and began lighting them with his cigarette, “If we die, we die.”

“How can you say that so nonchalantly?!” Stan gawked, setting the board and planchette in the center of the circle.

“Will you guys shut the fuck up?” Wendy snapped from the corner of the attic, Mr.Kitty in her lap.

Mr.Kitty meowed, and slid off her lap, rubbing on her ankles as she tried to crawl to the circle.

“It’s really tight in here,” Kyle coughed, dust flying into his face.

“That’s what Stan said,” Kenny laughed.

“Oh!” Kyle blushed, hiding his face in his hands. 

“Shush,” Cartman huffed, “Lets play.”

In unison, they touched the planchette.

“Someone ask a question.”

“I don’t know..”

“Someone go!”

“Is anyone here with us?” Wendy whispered, staring at the board.

The planchette moved to yes, before slowing gliding back to the middle of the board.

Mr.Kitty hissed at Wendy, before biting her arm.

“Ow!” Wendy gasped, “Whats wrong with him?”

“Some people say cats can sense ghosts,” Cartman winked at her, “Maybe someone is here.”

“What is your name?” Kyle asked.  
The planchette moved slowly.

P.

I.

P.

“Oh fuck!” Stan removed his hands from the board, “Does anyone remember Phillip Pirrup from elementary school?”

Kyle shrugged, “The British kid?”

“No! He was French!” Cartman corrected.

The planchette suddenly began to spin, and shot across the attic.

Mr.Kitty puffed and hissed, hiding in a box.

“Actually, I am British,” Pip smiled.

“Holy FUCK!” 

-

“Pip, what did I tell you about screwing around with those South Park boys?” Damien patted his head, staring into his eyes.

“It was funny,” Pip giggled, “They haven’t seen us in years, Damien.”

“I know, that’s kind of the point,” He caressed the blonde’s cheek, “They never liked us.”

“They offered me cake if I possessed Kenny!” Pip smiled, “Cake.”

“You can have all the cake you want,” Damien poked at Pip’s stomach.

Pip giggled once more.

At least the two were happy in hell.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes. A van.  
> 3 seats up front,  
> 3 in the back, and then the rest of the space was free. Kind of like the mystery machine, but better. Why?  
> Because it just is, okay?

“A road trip?” Kenny asked, the ouija board in the back on the van.

“A road trip?” Pip repeated, sitting next to him, holding the planchette.

“With Camping,” Stan corrected, handing his bag to Kyle.

“Hell yeah!” Cartman exclaimed, “Kyle is driving!”

“Am not!” Kyle shouted back, loading up Stan’s bag in the passenger seat.

“I’m the designated driver, actually,” Craig climbed into the drivers seat, setting Tweak’s thermos on the middle seat next to him.

“That means no drinking,” Wendy called, helping Kyle put everyone’s bag in the floorboards.

“I fucking know what that means!” Craig hissed.

“Oh, ack, are we really doing this?” Tweek sat next to Craig, accidentally sitting on his thermos. He squealed, the warmth pressing against his ass, “Agh, fuck!” 

Kyle sat Wendy’s purse on top of the ouija board.  
“It’s just the... one two..” He counted, “It’s just the.. damn there’s a lot of us.”

“Just 8 of us, well, 8 who are alive,” Wendy smiled, “We have 3 tents.” She picked up the purple tent’s case, and poked at the label, “This one is where Kyle, Stan, and I will be sleeping.”

Cartman burst out in laughter, “Your tent has butterfly decals on it!”

“I think it’s cute!” Wendy retorted.

Kyle finished loading up the back of the van, complete with his purple butterfly tent.

“Done.”

“Oh, how cute,” Pip ogled at the tent, shifting his weight, “It’s kind of crowded.”

“Don’t worry, Pip,” Stan turned around in his seat, “You and Damien can sleep in the van. We each have our own tents.” 

“But until then,” Kenny licked Pip’s translucent cheek, “We’re stuck back here.. together~”

“Butters would NOT appreciate that, Ken,” Wendy climbed into the back of the van with Pip and Kenny.  
Kyle and Cartman were riding in the second row of seats. 

“Anyone want anything before we leave town?” Craig asked, pulling out of Stan’s driveway. 

“Ack, nothing!” Tweek replied, sipping from his thermos.

“I’m all good,” Stan looked back at Kyle, and winked, “Wendy said she’s cooking me dinner.”

“Am not!”

“It’s a woman’s job,” Stan shrugged.

Wendy grumbled something, before taking out her phone and updating her Instagram.

10 minutes into the trip, Cartman yawned.  
“I’m bored.”

“Me too,” Kyle sighed, opening the van’s sunroof. 

“I just wanna have sex!” Kenny blurted out.

“T.M.I.,” Wendy put her hands around Pip’s ears.

“Oh, golly, It’s alright miss,” Pip blushed, “I know what sex is.”  
Pip stuck his finger through the planchette a few times.  
Kenny almost screamed.

“Pip!” Wendy gawked at him, removing her hands. 

“It’s a very fun game,” Pip beamed, “Damien showed it to me.”

“Oh my god,” Kenny wiped tears from his eyes, still laughing, “No wonder you’re in hell.”

“If hearing Tweek’s pleas and screams while I fuck his tight little ass means I’m going to hell, fuck it,” Craig smirked, turning a corner.

Tweek choked on his coffee.

“Dude, that’s gay,” Cartman sneered.

“We know,” Craig put his free arm around Tweek.

While Pip continued showing Kenny what sex was using his finger and the planchette, Kyle hummed to a few songs on the radio. 

“Are we almost there?” Stan was leaning against the window, half asleep.  
The sun had barely set.

“Almost.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> camping trip with horny boys(and girl) hell yeah

“With the taste of your lips I’m on a ride!!” Kenny screeched, holding a pretend microphone.

“I’m trying to sleep,” Stan grumbled.

“Ack, it’s only 6 pm,” Tweek twitched as Craig went down the dirt road.

“We’re here, wake the fuck up,” Craig stopped the car in a secluded area.

“This is our campsite?” Kenny looked outside the van windows, “Kind of spooky.”

“The sun hasn’t set yet, but I suggest you make a fire,” Craig unlocked the van, and helped Tweek from his seat.

Stan opened the van trunk, and pet Wendy’s tangled hair.  
She was asleep on Kyle’s pillow, planchette in her hand.  
“Wake up, beautiful,” Stan smiled, tapping her arm. 

She yawned, and rubbed her eyes, mascara on her hands.

“This is it?” Kyle stretched, before getting out of the van to help Craig set up the tents.

“Yeah, dude,” Stan rubbed the sweat from his forehead.

Craig and Tweek’s tent was set up first, with Wendy laying out logs for the fire.

Tweek hid inside his tent, stammering as he heard strange noises from the woods.

“That’s a woodpecker, Tweek,” Wendy threw a match in the fire, “Not a gunshot.”  
The fire, doused with igniter, lit in a heinous rage.

Cartman guffawed from the van, “I can’t wait until Wendy’s hair burns off.”  
He stepped outside, and sat on the grass near the fire.

Wendy smacked the back of his head, “Shut up, fat ass.”

“Okay, Kenny, your tent is ready,” Kyle smiled, motioning the the tricolor tent, “Cartman, you’re sleeping with him tonight too.”

“I’m so not sleeping with Kenny!” Cartman boiled, “What if he has butt sex with me?!”

“Wouldn’t be my first rodeo,” Kenny giggled, lighting his cigarette. 

-  
“Hey, wake up,” Wendy placed the planchette on the ouija board. 

Pip stirred, and manifested in the back of the van, “Hi, miss.”  
Damien appeared next to him, “This is stupid.”

Pip gleamed, “No, Damien. This is fun! Fun.”

“I see,” Damien narrowed his eyes at Wendy, “So what do you want? Bigger boobs, a boyfriend?”

“Oh, shit, I don’t want anything,” Wendy placated, “I just invited you and Pip to our camping trip.”

“See?” Pip shook the raven haired boys arm, “And we get to sleep in the van!”

“Pip, we can sleep in a van in hell,” Damien sighed.

“Please? This will be so much fun!” Pip pleaded, giving the Prince of Hell puppy eyes.

Damien relented, “Okay.”

-

Tweek was curled up in his tent by the time the sun fully went down.  
He was in a long t-shirt and surprisingly, girl’s panties.

“Hey babe,” Craig whispered, climbing into the tent.  
Tweek twitched and rolled in his sleep, muttering about underpants and gnomes. 

Craig changed into new boxers and a muscle shirt, and wrapped his arms around Tweek, pulling the blanket over the ticking blonde.

“Craig,” Tweek turned over, opening his eyes. 

“I’m here, honey,” Craig gushed, “Were you having bad dreams?” 

“Y-yeah,” Tweek nuzzled his face into Craig’s chest, “I-I don’t want to get, ack, eaten by a bear tonight.”

“Tweek, honey, there’s no bears,” Craig pressed his cracked lips to Tweek’s sweaty forehead, “You’re safe with me.”

-

“Damien,” Pip blushed, “Not now.”

Damien sucked Pip’s neck, leaving a red spot.

“Damien,” Pip moaned, “This is not appropriate. What if they hear us?”

Damien’s pointed ears twitched, and a moan clouded the air. Not Pips.

“Everyone is fucking,” Damien growled, pulling off Pip’s trousers.

“But that’s our game,” Pip pouted.  
Damien pressed a finger to Pip’s plump lip.

“It’s more than game, baby.”

-

“Mm, Buttercup, you’re so tight,” Kenny moaned in his sleep.

Cartman stared at the tent wall, red in the face, Kenny’s erection pushing up against his ass.

“I fucking knew it,” Cartman whispered, “He’s gonna rape me.”

“Let me fuck that boypussy!” 

“Holy fuck.”

Cartman turned over on his back, and glanced over at Kenny. He was sweating, moving back and forth in his sleep. His mouth slightly ajar.

“Butters, I’m so-“

Cartman shoved his finger down Kenny’s throat. 

-

Wendy yawned, and climbed out of the tent.  
She definitely had bed head, and her tank top was slightly twisted, showing her boobs.

“Fuck, dude,” Tweek blushed, slowly crawling out of his tent.

“Sorry,” Wendy fixed her shirt, “Rough night..”

“Ack, really?” Tweek sat down on the grass, watching Wendy prepare sausages for breakfast. 

“Yeah,” She coughed, before spitting a sticky white substance onto the forest’s leafy floor. 

“O-oh, Jesus,” Tweek’s ears were red with embarrassment, “I didn’t know that was you.”

“What do you mean?” Wendy looped her finger around her hair, placing it behind her ear.

“The noises, ack, I heard screaming,” He shuddered, “I thought someone was, ah, d-dying.”

“Nah,” Wendy placed a sausage on a plate for Tweek, and handed it to him, “Ketchup? Mustard?”

“Cum?” Kenny arose from his tent.  
He made fingerguns at Wendy before smirking, “We all heard your screams last night.”

“Oh shut up, you didn’t.”

“I did,” Pip called from the van, poking his head out the door, “Are you okay, miss?”

“I wasn’t that loud!” Wendy cried.

“So you admit you had sex last night?” Kenny took Tweek’s sausage, and slid it through his fingers. 

Wendy grumbled, “Fuck you! I heard you cum just from dreaming about Butters. It really turned me off.” 

“He’s tighter than you’ll ever be.”

“Oh fuck you!” Wendy fumed, “At least I don’t use condoms, wuss. I can take it raw!”

“Have fun in 9 months,” Kenny bit the sausage.

“Oh, I will!” Wendy sneered, throwing a sausage at Kenny.

It hit Tweek in the face.

He screamed.

“Oh fuck!”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating! I started a new school yesterday :(

**beta has come online**  
**beta has added angel and SATANWILLRISE**

beta: who knew there were phones in hell?

**SATANWILLRISE has come online**

SATANWILLRISE: dude this is homophobic

**angel has come online**

angel: oh hello!

SATANWILLRISE: Pip I will fuck you into heaven if you leave this chat with me

angel: but, I want to be in hell with you!

beta: guys, keep it appropriate

**BOTTOM has come online**

BOTTOM: SATAN IS HERE? OH GOD IM CURSED!!

**TOP has come online**

TOP: we were trying to make out, thanks 

beta: tweek it’s okay

BOTTOM: AAAANFJDJDJDNFJSK

**beta has changed TOP to CRACK**  
**beta has changed BOTTOM to TWIG**

beta: crack and twig, my favorite gay couple

CRACK: seriously? Fuck you guys

**CRACK has gone offline**

SATANWILLRISE: dude am I really that scary?

angel: no!! when he moans he squeaks!

SATANWILLRISE: PIP WTF

beta: awww

TWIG: that’s!! scary!! what!! He’s gonna eat you!

SATANWILLRISE: if I wanted to consume Pip, I would’ve 

beta: Damien doesn’t like cannibalism, tweek

angel: yes he does! He bit hitlers dick off!

**TWIG has gone offline**

beta: fuck

**beta has gone offline**

angel: what’s wrong with that?

SATANWILLRISE: a lot of things, pip


	10. Chapter 10

“So glad we’re on the same page,” Cartman nodded.

“Yes, we know we’re queer,” Craig rolled his eyes. 

“I’m not gay!” Kyle blushed, “I.. I’m not.”

“Then why are you fucking MY boyfriend?” Wendy smirked, giving him the side eye.

Stan blushed, and kissed Wendy’s forehead.

Wendy smiled in approval.

“Ack, why are you doing this?” Tweek squawked, clamping onto Craig’s sleeve.

“I need to understand why so many of you are homosexual,” Cartman pointed to his chalkboard.   
He had written a list of reasons why someone could be gay. The word “asians” was highlighted.

“Cartman, it’s not fucking Asians,” Craig snorted. 

“Yes!”

“No.”

“Yes!!”

“Fine,” Wendy muttered, “Yes, it’s obviously Asians that made Tweek and Craig gay.”

“I told you! Even that cow agrees!” Cartman chortled, pointing a fat finger at Craig.

Tweek shuddered.

“Hey!” Wendy gawked, “I am not a cow. I am a HUMAN, you fat fuck.” 

“Can we just think about the fact that I’m getting Kyle’s SWEET ASS almost every night?” Stan interrupted. 

“Oh, ack, Jesus,” Tweek cried, “That’s...”

“That’s gay,” Craig narrowed his eyes at the other raven haired boy, “Tweek may not be thick, but he’s got talent.”

“How so?”

“He can SCREAM,” Craig smiled, “Like he’s dying.”

“How is that a talent?” Kyle looked over at Tweek, who was picking at his chapped lips.

“Ack, it’s not, agh, Craig!” Tweek gave Craig puppy eyes, “Stop telling people I scream!”

Kenny slammed open Cartman’s basement door, “WHO SCREAMS?”

“Tweek.”

“Agh!! Craig I do not!!”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> umm sexual stuff

“Butters, stop crying this instant!” Stephen shouted at the meek boy.

Butters was huddling in the corner of his room sobbing.

“That McCormick boy cannot be around you! You are GROUNDED times infinity!!” He shouted, stomping his foot.

Butters sobbed louder, “But I love him!”

Stephen picked Butters up by the collar, and slapped his face.

“You only love me and your mother,” He snarled, “You don’t want to go back to that conversion camp, do you?”

“N-no,” Butters fell to the ground as Stephen dropped him.

“If you even TRY to sneak out again, you’re dead.”

-

Kenny picked at his food.

“What’s wrong, dude?” Stan noticed Kenny’s appetite.

“Yeah, Token bought your lunch, he even got you Doritos!” Kyle exclaimed.

Kenny sighed.

Cartman even felt bad for the blonde.  
Kenny wasn’t his usual self.

“Maybe he got aids?” Cartman tried to lighten up the mood, shrugging at his joke.

“Haha,” Stan mocked, “I’m sure he appreciates that.”

“Come on, dude,” Kyle nudged his friend, “What’s wrong?”

Kenny slammed his head down on the table.  
He mumbled something.

“What?” Stan asked.

“Butters is grounded. Even from school,” Kenny cried, lifting his head barely.

“I’m sure you’ll see him again,” Kyle offered his condolences, “He’ll be back soon.”

“No! His parents threatened him with a conversion camp, and Stephen beat the shit out of him again,” Kenny looked gloom.  
His fists were balled up, and his face was slightly turning red with rage.

“I fucking hate Stephen Stotch!” Kenny threw his lunch tray across the room.

“Dude, holy fuck!” Kyle shouted.

The tray hit Clyde in the head, milk splattering all over his jersey. He began to cry as Bebe stared daggers at Kenny.

“What the fuck, Kenneth?” She growled, “Clyde is just a BABY.”

“I’m a baby,” He sobbed, “Bebe!! Oh Bebe it hurts!”  
Token rolled his eyes, and turned his back to Clyde.

“What?” Clyde stared at Token.

“Nothing,” Token muttered.

-

**jew has come online**   
**Princess has come online**

Princess: I miss you baby

Princess: I love you

Princess: you’re beautiful 

jew: dude he’s grounded from everything 

Princess: I don’t give a fuck

jew: alright 

Princess: fuck this shit

**Princess has gone offline**

jew: goddamn it

-

“Loo loo loo,” Butters sang, tears trailing down his face. His room had locks all over the door, and bars on the window.  
It was just him and his hamsters.

“Oh hey, little minion,” He cooed, as one walked over to him. It looked up at him, and for a second he smiled.

Then it pissed on him.

“Oh gee, hamburgers, darn,” He ‘cursed’. 

It was about 9pm, and Butters was supposed to be asleep by now. He sat by his barred Window, waiting for a miracle.

Then if happened.

“Mysterion?” Butters called, as a shadow arose from the tree.

“Hi,” The figure smiled.

“Oh golly, I’m kind of in a pickle, you see.. my friend Kenny-“ Butters started rambling.  
Kenny pressed his fingers to Butters lips.

“I’ll fix this.”

Kenny pulled out a laser cutter, and began to saw at the metal.  
Once the job was done, he carefully shimmied inside Butters room.

“Oh, wow,” Butters blushed, “You really know how to use that thing.”

“Toolshed showed me,” Kenny beamed.

“That’s awesome, but, why are you here?” Butters plopped his ass onto his bed, “I can’t have anyone over.”

“Not even me?” Kenny chuckled.

“No,” He pouted, “Not even you.”

Kenny removed his mask, “Enough with the roleplay.”   
He began to strip, “We have something to do”

Butters turned red, goosebumps up and down his arms, “O-oh..”

Kenny pressed a hand to Butters plump thigh, “Yeah.”

“E-everything is so.. hot,” Butters breathed.

Kenny palmed at Butters erection, “Mhm, I know sweetie.”

“Ah,” Butters moaned, “Fuck!”

Kenny began undressing Butters, running his fingertips up and down his back.  
Butters threw his shirt across the room. It landed on his hamsters’ cage.

Butters was entrapped in Kenny’s warm gaze, and he felt a warm flowing over him. It was nice.  
He knew he was safe.

Kenny growled, and pressed Butters down into the bed.

He began licking his hands, grinning.

“W-what are you doing?” Butters laid there wide eyed, legs spread.

“I’ve never done this to you before, but it’s gonna be so hot!” Kenny ran his wet hands over his cock, his breath hitching 

“Oh god, you’re gonna?” Butters gasped, staring at Kenny’s large member, “You can’t!”

They’d never been this far. Usually Kenny just dressed him up like a girl, sucked him off, and then they’d pass out.

“I will,” Kenny pressed his tip to Butters plush ass, and groaned as he entered the smaller boy.

Butters would’ve screamed if Kenny hasn’t pressed his hand over his mouth.

“Don’t yell,” Kenny kissed his forehead, “Or your parents are gonna know.”

Butters moaned, his chest rising and falling rapidly, “I’m scared.”

“Don’t be.”

-

“Why are you smiling so much?” Kyle asked, “Yesterday you were being such a pussy.”

“I got some pussy last night,” Kenny drooled, still horny.

“Red?” Stan asked, motioning to the girl across the cafeteria.

“Much better,” Kenny clicked his tongue, “Marjorine.” 

“Butters?” Cartman choked on his pudding, “You. Fucked. Butters?” 

“Yeah, maybe,” Kenny licked his fingers, “I can still taste him.”

“Dude, gross!!!” Kyle covered his face, he was obviously kind of hard.

“What are we talking about?” Scott walked over, juice box in hand.

“Remember that picture I sent to the groupchat of that blonde girl?” Kenny mused.

“Yeah,” Scott sipped at his apple juice.

“I FUCKED HER LAST NIGHT!” Kenny yelled, the cafeteria staring.

“Who?” Bebe stood up, “Was it Heidi?” 

Heidi gasped, “No! I wouldn’t fuck that white trash!”

“It was Wendy,” Annie pointed to the girl.

“No, shes fucking Stan,” Bebe corrected.

“Ladies, ladies,” Kenny strolled over, “You’re all wrong.”

“Then who?” Bebe stood, hands on her hips.

“Leopold Butters McCormick. Hopefully.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wendy is a slut haha sorry for spoilers oops skksks

Tweek stifled a scream.

“Positive?”

Cartman was right!! He was going to have Craig’s ass babies.

“Fuck, ack, no!” He shoved the test in his jeans.

“Is everything alright?” Wendy asked, noticing Tweek’s expression. 

“Y-yeah,” He glanced at his feet, “I’m fine.”

-

**crack has come online**

crack: why is tweek avoiding me

**best has come online**

best: Hes breaking up w you haha 

crack: shut the fuck up

**beta has come come online**

beta: hey, he was at my house 

beta: we were studying for a test b4 school

crack: that doesn’t explain it tho

beta: idk dude 

-

“Ohgodohgodohgod-“

“Tweek!” 

“Agh!!” Tweek screamed, startled by Craig’s embrace.

“Hey, babe, what’s wrong?” Craig kissed Tweek’s neck from behind. 

“Ack, Craig, I need to tell you something!” Tweek spun around.

“Oh there you are! You forgot your chem notes at my house,” Wendy sauntered up to the two, Tweek’s notes in her hand.  
His handwriting looked like chicken scratch.

“Thank, gah, you!!” Tweek swiped the notes from her hand, and turned back to Craig.  
“We really need to talk!”

“I’ll leave you two, my fifth period is about to start,” Wendy smiled before walking away.

-

“You’re pregnant?” Craig gawked.

Tweek grabbed the test, and handed it to Craig with unsteady hands.

“That’s impossible, you have a DICK!” Craig read the test, “Are you sure two lines means positive?” 

“Mhm,” Tweek holding back tears, “I wasn’t feeling so, ack, good.. so I found this in Wendy’s bathroom and took it..”

“Fuck.”

-

“Did you know about this?!” Craig held up the test to Wendy, “Is this a joke?”

“Oh my god!” Wendy turned red, cafeteria staring, “Put that down.”

“You think it’s funny pranking MY BOYFRIEND like that?” Craig yelled, balling his fists.

“Craig, calm down, I didn’t prank him-“

“Dude,” Bebe shouted, “Tweek has a vagina?”  
The girls had an uproar of laughter and shock.

Tweek shook violently as Clyde held his hand.

“Craig Tucker ISN’T GAY! He likes PUSSSSAYYY,” Bebe paraded around the cafeteria. 

Wendy shook her head, and snatched the test, “Give me that!”  
She stormed over to Tweek, “Why did you touch my shit?!”

He began to cry, “Is it really positive?”

“Oh for fucks sake!” Wendy scoffed, “This test _has already been used_.”

Bebe stopped.

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean,” Wendy grew even more red, “That it was already positive.”

“Oh,” Tweek breathed a sigh of relief, “Is it your moms?”

Cartman roared with laughter, “Dude, whose kid is it?! Wendy is such a slut!”

“Oh shit,” Bebe muttered, then shrugged, “CRAIG _DOESN’T_ LIKE PUSSSAYY!”

“Oh, god, ack, I’m so sorry!” Tweek gasped, “Oh my god! Fuck, Jesus!”

“Just don’t touch my shit next time, okay?”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for this short update. been depressed and stuff

beta: so like I was saying..

**jew has come online**

BUTTERCUP: hi Kyle!

beta: koalas have stds

Princess: hey dude

jew: wait koalas have stds 

beta: yeah 

jew: that is so sad :(

Princess: not really, ugly rats

beta: oh my god don’t say that!

BUTTERCUP: they are kinda weird 

-

“Koalas have chlamydia?” Kyle repeated, sitting in Wendy’s floor. 

“Yes, I told you that twice Monday,” Wendy sighed, “What’s so weird about it?”

“Can they give it to me?!” Kyle shrieked, thinking of the last time he went to the Denver zoo.

“Oh, now you sound like Tweek,” Stan grumbled, filling out his English homework.

“There’s nothing wrong with Tweek,” Wendy smiled.

“Are you gonna ignore what he did to you 2 weeks ago?” Kyle smirked, “Poor kid thought you got him pregnant or something.”

“Oh shut up,” Wendy scoffed, “I’m hungry.”

“I want pizza,” Stan snuck a peek at Kyle’s homework, “No pineapples.”

Kyle covered his homework with his hand, “Butters loves that shit. It’s disgusting.”

“Okay, meat lovers?” Wendy grabbed her car keys, “I’ll go pick it up.”

“Oh I love me some meat,” Stan licked his lips at Kyle.

Kyle blushed, “Oh~”

“Guys, what the fuck?” Wendy slipped on her vans, “That’s fucking gay.”

“Yeah, Stan, not in front of Wendy!” Kyle remarked sarcastically, “She might break up with you~”

“Whatever, I’ll be back in about 15 mins,” Wendy opened her bedroom door, “Don’t do anything... bad.”

-

“Ugh,” Kyle moaned, “Stan, you’re so big!”

Wendy slammed open her bedroom door, pizza in hand.

“WHAT THE FUCK.”

Kyle blushed, Stan halfway inside his ass.

Wendy dropped the pizza, “I’m fucking done.”

“Babe! Wait! We said ‘No Homo’!” Stan slipped out of Kyle, resulting in a drawn out moan from the redhead. He ran after Wendy, still naked and dripping with pre.

Kyle snickered, and helped himself to some of the pizza.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating, been working on “Dance for Me” and Cosplay stuff,,

**beta has come online**

beta: alright cartman, admit you stole my homework

best: I’d never! :O it must’ve been kahl 

jew: shut up fatass

beta: dude, just tell me. I can’t find it in my bag

PRETTYgay: maybe tweek has it

beta: tweek hasn’t been at my house in 2 months after that.. incident 

best: oh shit Wendy is hormonal get back guys

PRETTYgay: dont talk about my girlfriend like that dude! 

jew: wendy isn’t even hormonal 

best: wendy is a whooooore

beta: stfu

**beta has gone offline**

jew: now she’s fucking crying fuck u dude

best: see Stan! She’s a whore!

best: she’s at KAHLS HOUSE!

PRETTYgay: dude I know 

best: and?

PRETTYgay: she and Kyle WERE finishing their homework until she couldn’t find her economics papers

best: her fault 

jew: the first thing you said to her when you made this chat was ‘wanna fuck’

best: shut up jew face

jew: alright 

**Princess has come online**

Princess: _heybaby.jpg_

best: HOLY FUCK

Princess: THAT WASNT FOR YOU

jew: dude you’re hung

Princess: thanks ;)

best: why my pee pee stiff

PRETTYgay: my dick is bigger than Kenny’s ;(

jew: sorry babe but.. not really

Princess: girth matters also

**BUTTERCUP has come online**

BUTTERCUP: oh hi guys

BUTTERCUP: what’s a girth

Princess: UM


End file.
